It’s been over two weeks since I stopped here to say, hello. To check-in and update you. So, first…Hello! Thank you for following this journey and being a part of it in whatever form takes shape! :)
Today I want to share with you a little more about the process of change…the parts of it you can’t touch or maybe see. It brings me to a time when I travelled the world and needed to keep a journal in order to remember all that was happening to me. All of the places I visited, people I met, experiences I had were new. It was a lot to take in to recall; it seemed like the only way the details would be tracked would be if I wrote them down. And, most of the time I did not write them down. And yet change still happened.
Time is funny but especially funny during times of great change. My time splits or moves through a dual state of being where I know that I am transforming, but where I also am here living my daily life, answering emails, having meetings and still attending to all the parts of my life that are the same. I’m in a place where I have some awareness of the changes I’m going through, yet not necessarily having all the skills polished to address what’s coming up. While also holding onto that thread of faith and knowing that I will get there and that perhaps I already am there.
When I start feeling myself become overwhelmed with all there is to do, I remember that we all are on a journey that is bigger than ourselves. At least that’s the story I make up. These steps I walk remind me of the quote, “We don’t want to be stars. We want to be part of a constellation,” by Gloria Anzaldua. This remembering grounds me.
It also reminds me of Beyoncé's latest Netflix release, Homecoming. That coming home…that receiving an answer to your prayer does not mean it’s over, but sometimes it means you’ve only begun! It’s not a single, closed package that is a one-time celebration. A bottle of fine wine that you opened and will sip to its end in an evening. This coming home to yourself also begs the question, “So, now what?” It leads you to the pot at the end of the rainbow that then gives you a riddle. You smile, but then you feel like you are being pushed off a cliff.
My sleeves are rolled up so high right now. I’ve always been more of a pajama person. See if I can wear my pajamas to work in disguise kind of person. While it’s a cozy way to drift through the days, I’m learning the importance of uniform. I’m learning the importance of discipline and practice. My yoga practice and business and life is growing in this way. Balance is always key. I’m coming into my own wholeness, appreciating both sides.
Growth is not comfortable. They don’t call it growing pains without reason. The last two weeks of me not being here have been weeks where I don’t even know the land I walked on from morning ‘til dusk. There were days I didn’t even know myself by the time my head hit the pillow, when exhaustion took me to slumber in a blink of an eye. There are days I feel like I didn’t even get to look my children in the eye and marvel in the preciousness of who they are becoming, too.
And yet I’m here breathing, and I’m human. We can’t always be tuned in, we have to live our life, too. Being in this place of change reminds me that it’s not about reaching the top of the mountain but it’s about the process and journey you take while you climb. The climb isn’t easy, but it is rich with opportunities and invitations to slow down and have gratitude for the gifts along the way.
The stranger turned friend you meet online and then at a coffee shop, who wants to help your business grow. The clients/friends who send you heart emojis of understanding and ask if they can help when you tell them you have to cancel a soundbath they signed up for. The people telling me they can help clean and organize, that push me to be a better person. The hired help that aren’t hired or help but are really your soul sisters (and brothers)…your soul friends. The meltdowns at home that become portals to connection, understanding and renewed love or that lead to further inquiry and opportunities for growth. This is all that I breathe in right now, and today I want to give thanks.
I want to also be fair and mention there are days I want to cry (and I do). It’s hard to face your inner critic and stand up to the unchecked bullying that has gone on inside and around yourself for years. When you move you decide what you want to bring with you into the new space. This process also applies to emotional and mental baggage, too. What do I want to bring with me? What do I leave behind?
As I move in a direction closer in alignment with who I am, I still sit with my own drama that tries to take up the backseat in the car on this ride. The parts of me that want to complain or worry or talk me into being small. To get me to believe self-doubt that arises in the unknown. I call them out, but I do not entertain the stories (at least not for as long as I used to).
So, this, whatever you call it, this is what I’ve been up to lately. These are some of the changes that have been happening the past couple weeks. Hard to put into words, but I made the attempt.
To ground us in the scene here on Earth, we are still in the middle of making lots of choices around paint, flooring and lighting. I met some more of the creative team, and they are working on drafts of the mural as I type. On Monday we did a site visit to look at a floor in St. Paul that we are considering for the main yoga studio. (We liked it!) We also checked out some carpet options as well which we’ve been considering for what we are calling the community room.
I am being stretched as I make documents that outline different lighting concepts, flooring materials and product specifications (I first wrote speculations…to give you an idea of my expertise on these subjects). It’s very different than drinking tea with mindfulness or laying down for relaxation pose (my favorite part of yoga). But this is necessary and it’s been so good for me, even though some days it feels like its going to break me, I allow myself to grow and take up space.
Thanks always for reading along! I hope you have a wonderful weekend! And look forward to the next time I’m able to share some more photos of the pro(g/c)ress.
Studio Founder, Wellness Practitioner & Teacher